Dear Maddy,
I'm a funeral director in FL. I recently took care of a family where siblings complained about a sister who insisted on reading a eulogy she'd written for their father. None of the siblings knew about it until moments before the service. The siblings were concerned about time and how their sister would depict their father and family members.
The daughter spoke for thirty minutes leaving no time for other siblings to speak. I would have liked to have given them more time but I had another service following. I was up in the air on what to do or how to handle this awkward situation. What should I have done and how can I avoid this in the future?
Signed, Up in the Air
Dear Up in the Air:
In the future, inform all family members or the family rep that there is a time limit and what that time limit is. Also, ask all eulogizers to kindly vet their eulogies with family members ahead of time to relinquish fears that siblings and guests may misrepresent others or become self-serving.
Yours, Maddy Banks
Dear Maddy:
My daughter, an outspoken birth control advocate, was killed in a car accident. My relatives are very provincial mid-westerners. My daughter's best friend, a renowned abstract artist, wants to drape the casket with a giant wreath made out of condoms and diaphragms. Should I allow this? And how would I explain this to my relatives? Signed, Prevention Method Ceremony
Dear Prevention Method Ceremony,
Look deep inside your heart for what you believe your daughter would want and honor that. Is it something she would have appreciated having? Or would it be more appropriate to hang the wreath in a non-partisan location, i.e., the lobby by the memory posters, thereby honoring the actions of the artist friend and diffusing its potentially controversial impact. If, however, you believe this is something your daughter would have appreciated, then by all means go for it and simply tell your relatives that it would have made your daughter smile.
To Life, Maddy
Grief Etiquette to the Rescue!