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• Dear Maddy

  Tag >> Coping

  Dec 05

  Letter to the Dying

  Etiquette, Coping

  Dear Maddy,

  My step-grandmother is dying of cancer. She is receiving hospice care in her home and we have been told her time left is short. I have known her since I was 9 (I'm 37 now) and even though we were not very close she has been a positive influence in my life. I want to send her a letter telling her all the things I love about her and to thank her for being the beautiful person she is. She is aware of her condition and has discussed it with her daughters openly. I don't want to offend her or anyone else by sending the letter. Would it be in bad taste to send it to her? Can you please advise me on how to write it? Would it be okay to place it folded inside of a gretting card?

  Signed, Letter to the Dying

  Dear Letter to the Dying,

  I suggest following your heart and taking into consideration the golden rule. It's beautiful that you'd like to express to her the positive influence she's had on your life. Not knowing the details of your relationship with the daughters you may want to discuss your feelings with them or consider a phone call, a personal visit, or perhaps sending your letter federal express marked Personal & Confidential to her. Either way, it sounds like you've given this a lot of thought and that you know what you want to say, how you want to say it, and how you would like it to be received. Trust the value of your relationship and offer your sentiments through heart-centered communication. Inside a tasteful greeting card is fine.

  To Life, Maddy

  For more helpful suggestions on grief etiquette, you may want to purchase "GRIEF WELLNESS: The Definitive Guide to Dealing with Loss" and "GRIEF TRIBUTES: The Definitive Guide to Life Celebrations" at http://www.thetributenetwork.com/books.php

   

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  Sep 29

  The Depression Zone

  Grief, Coping

  Dear Maddy,
  
  QUESTION: What happens when grief becomes unbearable and overwhelming? How do you survive loss when loss itself becomes your own demise?
  
  Signed, The Depression Zone
  
  Dear Depression Zone,
  
  ANSWER: Sometimes we forget what gives us joy. It takes faith to remember that depression is like the ocean. Eventually the tide recedes and the shore returns... But sometimes, while we wait, it may just help to indulge ourselves in a little shopping and a night of comedy.
  
  To Life, Maddy

  Comment (0)

  Sep 26

  Frozen at Death's Door

  Grief, Coping

  Dear Maddy,
  
  QUESTION: My father is dying. Neither he nor I know what to say. Imminent grief hangs like a sharp barrier reef between us. How do I tear it down? What on earth do I do?
  
  Signed, Frozen at Death's Door
  
  Dear Frozen at Death's Door,
  
  ANSWER: Fear of the unknown creates the barrier between you and your dad. Become familiar with the unfamiliar and the fear will disappear. Talk to him with love on every word. Keep him comfortable. Tell him you love him. Again and again. Indulge to-gether in simple pleasures like watching a Star Trek movie marathon to remind yourselves that the next frontier is still life, just not life as we know it.
  
  To All Forms of Life, Maddy

  Comment (0)

  Feb 29

  Resurrected

  Friendship, Coping

  Dear Maddy:

  My best friend from college and I both lost our spouses around the same time. A year has passed and I have started to date while she still dresses in black and rarely socializes. I encourage her to go out, but she says she's not ready and implies that I'm being unfaithful. I feel terrible guilt, yet I want to meet someone and fall in love again. We have a long history of friendship and I don't want to lose her. What should I do?

  Signed, Resurrected

   

  Dear Resurrected,

  Healing from grief is a very personal process and everyone gets to heal to on their timeline, not someone else's. Your timeline is not your friends and hers is not yours. Helping a friend heal from grief, as well as oneself, requires endless compassion and a total lack of judgment. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Your response to begin living life again is healthy and normal and works for you on your timeline. Practice loving patience with your friend while you continue to move on with your life. When she's ready, welcome her with open arms. If her grief continues to persist and turn into chronic depression, then advise her to seek professional help and/or join a grief support group.

   

  To Life, Maddy

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